Dear Lt. Governor Fedele,
With Governor M. Jodi Rell out of town visiting family for the next few days, I request that you use your powers as Acting Governor to right injustice and promote freedom throughout our state.
The sinister state of Rhode Island has long been a nuisance for Connecticut. Founded by Roger Williams in 1636 as a so-called "colony for religious freedom", it seems clear that Rhode Islanders have been watching us Nutmeggers for years, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. We must act now to forever free us from this threat.
They possess incredible wealth and beauty in the state, with gorgeous shoreline cliffs, fantastic beaches, Newport, Providence, and so much more. Connecticut could benefit immensely from use of these resources.
We have the perfect opportunity tonight with Game 1 of the World Series on television. At 8pm tonight, most Rhode Islanders will be tuned to their televisions to watch the Boston Red Sox take on the Colorado Rockies. We can launch the invasion with a division of Yankees fans and quickly take the strategic heights of Westerly,
Rhode Island Connecticut.
After the game, we launch the rest of the attack with a northern thrust out of Putnam that should reach the suburbs of Providence by dawn, and a central thrust along Rt. 6 that should roll into Cranston by 0800 Thursday. A Connecticut flag will proudly wave over Providence by noon.
During the night on Thursday, we'll load an amphibious assault force in Groton and send them east toward the unsuspecting Rhode Islanders. As our ground troops push the Rhode Islanders backward, the dastardly Ocean Staters will surely retreat across the Claiborne Pell Bridge to Newport. We will wipe out their remaining forces with a combined airborne and amphibious assault on the city of Newport on Friday morning. Friday evening we will proudly rename that town Fedele.
So there you have it, Acting Governor Fedele. You have a tremendous opportunity to forever make your mark on Connecticut and become the most storied Acting Governor in the history of our State.
The above piece is, of course, satirical and should be considered only as such.
24 October 2007
Posted by Heath Fahle at 10:43